Never Argue with a Woman Who Reads

(Picture: "Reading in Peace" http://themetapicture.com/reading-in-peace/)

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

-Author Unknown (Source: Goodwill Librarian)

I'm What?!

On March 29, 2014, I received the surprise of my life. My boyfriend of nearly two years, proposed. Our parents lived next door to each other for several years, and we had no idea either one of us existed. In the summer of 2012, I was home visiting my parents for a couple of weeks. I had just finished my first year of teaching, and was getting ready for a trip to the Dominican Republic with a group of my friends. His dad came over to talk to me to ask me if I would be interested in meeting his son. I thought this was weird, but I agreed to exchange numbers with him and would talk to him once I got back from the Dominican Republic. It turns out that his dad did this whole agreement behind his back. Welp, I guess the rest is history as the saying goes. From the moment I returned from the Dominican, my fiance and I began to pave our future together. We hit it off right away, texting each other back and forth for a couple of days at first, and then we had our first couple of dates near the end of June. He officially asked me out on July 8, 2012, and we've been inseparable ever since. I never thought I could love someone as much as I do this man, but God truly works in mysterious ways. The emptiness I was feeling was filled with nothing but love, devotion, and happiness that this man has brought me every single day over the past couple of years we've been together. And now, we are planning for beginning a new chapter in both of our lives, and I could not be happier. I am absolutely ecstatic about spending the rest of my life with him. I love him with all my heart and soul.

For the Youth of America!

(Image: http://kimkiminy.com/2012/04/10/the-difference-between-your-and-youre/)

One of the biggest issues that I am concerned about with up and coming generations is their lack of common spelling and grammar. I'm not sure if technology is to blame for this, but I think I've come up with a way to use technology, something that the younger generation cannot seem to let go of, to combat this lack of knowledge.

Let's think about this for a moment. How often do my students, and teenage stepbrother and stepsister, post something on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Vine? Well, if you're my stepsister, 3-5 posts every hour, and usually to three of the four social media websites aforementioned. It's obvious how much teens nowadays use these websites. It's even more blunt to me as a high school teacher; seeing these students constantly checking their status, pictures, etc during passing periods, free time, and even while going to the bathroom.

Some might argue, and I would agree, that technology and social media are hindering the youth of America, and the world, now moreso than ever. But that's for another post. For now, let's focus how we can use teenagers' and adults' constant use of technology to "teach" them. That's right, they can actually learn from these social media websites, but it will take some work on our part. Here's how:

Anytime, we see a grammar/spelling mistake, we need to do two things.

1.) For the love of everything holy, do NOT re-post, re-tweet, re-ANYTHING. We need to stop this use of English in its tracks, and this is the best way to do so. And honestly, it's not like you won't be able to find the same picture, quote, meme, etc if you just Google the darn thing. Chances are, there are several (thousand) items that you can re-post, but let's hope you re-post the grammatically correct one.

2.) If you see a picture or post on a popular social media website, such as Pinterest, you should also comment in the comment box what needs to be changed. Now, I know the way people feel about you correcting their grammar; as an English teacher, I've been called a grammar Nazi, smart a**, and a few other choice terms for doing this. But you know what? I can still sleep at night knowing that I'm saving the English language, one moron at a time. ;) No, but seriously, I've seen people actually start to make changes to their writing with my subtle comments.

And that's all it takes! Two simple tricks, that could revolutionize the way in which people can learn to correct their grammar mistakes, and essentially helping them to be more intellectual. According to the Business Insider, when a user creates a post that is liked and/or shared, an average of 61% of their friends see it (Cooper Smith). Then, imagine one of this particular user's friends, who does not have the exact set of friends, re-posting it, and getting the same audience, or perhaps even more than the average 61%. Think about how we could use this knowledge to benefit the youth of the world!

So, my question to you is, why are we not doing this already?

Some common mistakes I'm seeing:
then vs than
their, there, they're
your vs you're
past vs. passed

Daisy Duke..Pockets?

For those of you that know me, you know that I am not a fashion guru, by any means. But one of the things that I do know about fashion is to not attract attention to myself by wearing something that says, "Please please please look at my legs and crotch! Are you paying attention to me yet? Good. Don't worry about my deep green eyes, slightly straight/white smile, or my extremely charming personality. Just look at my thighs and buttocks. That's the first impression I want to make."

What I'm wondering is when did it become okay for your jean short pockets to be longer than the shorts themselves? What kind of message are we allowing these shorts to send? For these answers, please read the above quote because I think I answered them pretty thoroughly already.

I personally believe that not only is this style of shorts trashy, making the wearers of this fashion mistake look like they are too poor to afford enough fabric for a real pair of jean shorts, but it also clearly shows that females are now going to great lengths to get their varying body parts noticed.

Ladies, a man is not going to fall in love with your body if you flaunt it like that. Sure, it'll catch many guys' eyes right away, but if he notices you for your body, what makes you think that he won't notice someone else for the same thing? What if he thinks their body is (Gasp!) better looking than yours?

And this can go both ways; I've certainly known some women who think that the looks of a guy will get them love. Okay, I want you to think really hard: Are you currently with someone that is way too into your looks, and possibly the looks of others? If you are, then go ahead and decide if you're truly happy with this person.

Here's the test I did on my boyfriend when we first began dating in the summer of 2012. We were taking a break from a pretty extensive hike in a state park. The conversation went something like this (we were drinking water and looking at a map of trail names while sitting on a large, uncomfortable rock):

Boyfriend: "Hmm, there's a place named 'Devil's Toilet.'" [I can't remember the real name, but I'm certain it had toilet in it]
Me: "Really? We should go there."
Boyfriend: "Why?"
Me: (as a large group of fellow hikers were walking by) "Because I really need to go the bathroom. Do you think it'd be okay if I took a massive dump there? I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it. I mean, we're talking, possibly explosive particles soon."
Boyfriend: (jaw dropped) "..."
Me: (waiting for people with shockingly similar faces as my boyfriend to walk by) "I'm just kidding."
Boyfriend: "Good. I didn't remember toilet paper. And you might want to get checked out."

See what I mean? KEEPER. He didn't miss a beat with that. And we were only together for a couple of months at that point! So, if you tell a poop joke and it doesn't fly, it might be time to consider a break-up. And oh yeah, burn those "pocket shorts," singing a song of triumph simultaneously.

Hashtag

Okay, so this post is going to be a bit of a rant I'm afraid. There are things that people are doing on the internet that is starting to get on my nerves because they aren't using them correctly. What I'm talking about, of course, is the hashtag.

The purpose of the hashtag is to "provide a means of grouping such messages, since one can search for the hashtag and get the set of messages that contain it." What this statement means is that the hashtag is supposed to be used a means of a link system, in which a person can click on the hashtag to find out more about that subject. It is also used a means of "tagging" people or groups.

For example, on Instagram I might use a hashtag to tag my sister because we always take pictures of each other, or for each other. Instagram will then notify her that she has been tagged, and she will then be given access to any photos that I have hashtagged her in.

These are the two most common ways that the hashtag is used across social networking sites. However, what many people are using them for is incorrect. They will post a status on Facebook, and then they will have a good four hashtags following it.

For example, "Enjoying my time on the beach here in California. #sun #cali #beach #lovingmytan." Why are all of the hashtags following this statement necessary? Any idiot would know that this person is obviously getting sun on the beach in California; thus getting a tan. This is not only overusing the hashtag, but most of the time it does not accurately represent a hashtag because nothing is being linked or grouped.

I know the importance of the hashtag and I think it does have significance in popular social media today, but it should also be used correctly. I feel that when people don't use it correctly, it is simply taking the lazy way out of things. As an English teacher, it truly drives me insane when people don't use correct grammar, spelling, and abbreviations. The one case in which it should be allowed is Twitter, in which users only have a certain amount of space to get their point across.

So, please, for the love of God, stop overusing and misusing the hashtag!

Bossypants

I absolutely love Tina Fey. She has always been my role model since her "Saturday Night Live" days. For those of you that know me on a personal level, you know that Tina Fey and I also share a very unique and hilarious name. In fact, it makes me feel like I am famous when meeting new people, and there's even a part of me that wishes I would have trademarked my name many years sooner; maybe I would be reaping the benefits of a television character by now as well. ;-) Tina is known for her witty sarcasm, and for being openly opinionated, two traits that people tell me that I tend to possess as well.

I recently began reading her memoir, Bossypants, which is hilarious so far, and I highly recommend it to those who have a sense of humor and an open mind.

Here's an excerpt from her memoir:

"Gay people don't actually try to convert people. That's Jehovah's Witnesses you're thinking of. No one was ever turned gay by being at Summer Showtime, because that's not possible. If you could turn gay from being around gay people, wouldn't Kathy Griffin be Rosie O'Donnell by now?"

Like I stated previously, great stuff!

Pun-ography

Saw this the other day, and as an English teacher, thought some of them were quite hilarious.